Your baby will not remember this. That isn't the point, and pretending otherwise is how these get sold.

Somewhere to go — The single biggest thing. A week with one fixed point in it is a very different week from one without, and that has nothing to do with the baby
Other people at the same stage — Not friends necessarily — just people who also haven't slept and won't ask you how it's going in a bright voice. That turns out to be enough
Forty-five minutes where nothing is your fault — Your baby cries, somebody else's cries, nobody looks up. It is the only room in the week where that's true
Songs you'll use at home — Genuinely the most practical part. Six of them, repeated every week until they're in your head at 3am, which is exactly when you'll want them
Somebody to ask a small question — Not medical advice — we're not qualified and we'll say so. But "is it normal that…" gets a straight answer or a pointer to somebody who actually knows
What we're not claiming — No milestones, no head start, no development. Your baby is doing all of that anyway, in your front room, for free

Feeding — whenever, however, wherever you like — Mid-song, in the middle of the room, in the corner, in the buggy. Bottle, breast, tube, cup. Nobody will comment, move, or offer you a private room unless you ask for one
Crying — expected, and not a problem — If your baby cries the whole time you have had a completely normal class. Several will be. The room is loud on purpose so that yours isn't the only sound in it
Leaving — at any point, with no explanation — Walk out mid-song. Come back or don't. Nobody looks up and nobody asks about it the following week, and you're not charged for the half you missed
Nappies, sick and everything else — Changing mat in the room, spare nappies in the basket, spare clothes in sizes up to about a year. Take what you need and don't mention it
Arriving late — Every single week if that's how mornings go. The door isn't locked and the first ten minutes are deliberately the least important
Siblings — A toddler in tow is fine and free. There are books in the corner and nobody expects them to sit still

Your midwife or GP decides, not us — We have no view on when you're recovered enough to leave the house and no qualification to have one. Where somebody tells you a class is fine at two weeks, ask them what they're basing it on
Newborns are welcome from day one — The baby is not the limiting factor here. You are, and that is a medical question for somebody who knows your notes
After a caesarean or a difficult birth — Come when you've been told you can, and come sitting down. Nothing in the class needs you on the floor and nobody will ask you to get up
If you're still bleeding, sore, or wobbly — The chairs are ordinary chairs with backs, the room is on the ground floor, and the toilet is next door rather than down a corridor
Postnatal low mood — Very common and not something we treat. What we can do is notice, and there's a list of local services on the wall by the door with nobody's name attached to it
What this class is not — Not physiotherapy, not a health check, and not a substitute for a postnatal appointment. If anybody here says something that sounds like medical advice, please check it with somebody qualified

Fathers, and not as a novelty — Roughly one in six here, most weeks. Nobody is called a babysitter, nobody is asked where mum is, and the songs are not pitched at anybody's voice
Grandparents and other carers — Regularly, and often doing two days a week of childcare that nobody counts. Same class, same price, same welcome
Adoptive and foster parents — You are as new to this as anybody in the room. Nobody asks about a birth and the getting-to-know-you bit at the start doesn't go near it
Parents who don't speak much English — The songs work anyway, which is one of the few genuine advantages of singing. Say what language and we'll write the words out
Anybody on their own — Most people arrive alone and about half stay that way, which is completely fine. There's no group to break into and no pairing up
Anybody who has tried a class and hated it — It happens a lot and it's usually the room rather than the idea. Come and sit at the back of one without joining in — that's a normal way to start

The first ten — Arriving, coats off, tea. Nothing happens and it's meant to be the part you can be late for
Twenty minutes of songs — The same six every week, deliberately. Repetition is the entire method and it's why you'll know them by week three
Ten minutes on the floor — Mats, a few things to look at, babies doing not very much. This is when most of the actual talking between grown-ups happens
The last five — One quiet song, lights down a bit, and out. It sends a surprising number of babies to sleep in the buggy on the way home
Tea, and staying afterwards — The room is yours for another half hour and most weeks half the group stays. That half hour is, honestly, the reason a lot of people keep coming
What you need to bring — A muslin and a nappy. Everything else is here, including the tea and something to eat, and nobody is selling you a branded shaker

Why blocks aren't pushed — Because income drops at exactly the moment a baby arrives and a block booking is money committed on a guess about how the next six weeks will go. Nobody knows that
If money is tight — There are free places every week, always. Say so in one line — no form, no evidence, and it's never mentioned in the room
Nothing is sold at the class — No photographs, no branded anything, no cards for a friend's business. You will not be asked to buy a single thing after you walk in
Nobody is chased — Stop coming and you'll hear nothing. Come back after four months and nobody will say anything about the gap